the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
