Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
pop tarts are not kleenex
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
