were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
