he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
