I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
