Best friends brother. Beat that.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
