I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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