Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
