I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
