Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
