Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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