I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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