Please, let me fuck your mom
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
