i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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