allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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