WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
