We won't sleep together?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
