He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
