I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
