I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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