Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
