hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm always down for nudity.
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