i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
