look no pants
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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