my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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