I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
