I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
worst night to have a conscience
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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