I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
