I want to make a zoo with you.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
