i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I smell stomach acid.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
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