Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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