just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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