I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
