i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
