I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
