i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
