My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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