new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
