How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
