the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Bring me that man meat
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
