I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
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