so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
