I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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