i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
