This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
