The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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