you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
