If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
one might say we're banned from that church
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
