I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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