my vag is so smooth its legendary
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
