Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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