no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
