Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
