Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
