I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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